Pissed Off!

Whats with the new trend of keeping things secret? Arent friends meant to share their happiness with each other? Or is it just about bowling people over with the so called "surprises" when the time comes? Oh, so they want their lives to look really eventful? As more colorful springs of surprises as compared to their peers? " Look, see? i dint tell you! Na na na naaa naaaaa!!".... I hate it anyway. I HATE IT. I mean I yap about me and my life withmy friends in a way that makes me look silly in front of such people. If there's something to be told. Bam! There it is, lying in front of you, told and finished. Im angry im like that. And im angry that people around me are not like that. Im jealous, i cant keep my secrets to myself. Good im not in the showbiz. Btw, i dont have any bad secrets. And there are no personal secrets (only mine, that is, not my friends') that i havent told someone (anyone) on this Earth. It gives me such relief, makes me feel so light. I hold myself as an open book with the same amount of sanctity with which i hold the secrets of my friends close to my heart - Untold. They told me something because they trust me and its that trust, that love that makes my heart beat for them. Thats what makes us and keeps us friends. And now, I feel cheated, i feel like im being treated like an untrustworthy acquaintance and i HATE THAT. Yeah, the truth is that I usually realize the ways of this world rather late. Of people sniggering behind my back and those who smile only to get their work done. Iv had enough now. Im pissed off BIG TIME. You want secrets, you get secrets. And you know what? I like the childishness in that sentence, in that decision. I like the way it sounds - angry, defiant, all tantrummy kinds. You wont tell me, i wont tell you. Now since i dont know who wont tell me, i wont tell ANYONE. Im going to keep it like this. All my things to myself. Then these 'things' now will become secrets that wont be told. If you come to know about them somehow, good for you. If you dont, Bear it and Rot with it. That way, ultimately we all are going to die with a big bag of untold, decaying truths which when surfaces would be alone to face the sniggers of this world. All the best. Its so simple when you know what you want to do. But im scared to do this, frankly, as its not a familiar territory. Feels like im living on this planet alone. But im going to do it anyway. IM GOING TO DO THIS. ITS MY THING NOW. AND IT WILL REMAIN MINE. FOREVER.

From the Limits,
Ashen